I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize