based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize