I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
