was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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