That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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