Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize