just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
