Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
