I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
