Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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