get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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