shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize