what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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