Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
