i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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