So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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