I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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