so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
