We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize