New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
