Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
