I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
