and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
