How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
