She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
