Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
