TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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