I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
