Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
