Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
