somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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