real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
