You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
