Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
