Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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