Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize