Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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