Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
