She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
