Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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