Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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