Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
