come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
