Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
