Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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