I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
