i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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