Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
