He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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