dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
