should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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