Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And the cops told us we were all naked.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
