i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
