I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You may now shotgun with the bride
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
