i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize