what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
