Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
