final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
