A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
