How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize