I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize