im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
