I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
