She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
