your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
