The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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