I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize