Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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