And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
