is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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